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THE MODERN AND MOST SEVERE MECHANISM OF MAN'S OPPRESSION HETEROSEXUALISATION OF SOCIETY "What is natural does not need to be enforced through social pressures and mechanisms" --- taken from an internet discussion Heterosexualisation is a modern anti-male process which seeks to consolidate ----- for the benefit of a few ----- the powers granted to male-female marriage by traditional societies by: a) altering the concept of marriage and diverting its focus from producing and raising children to facilitating male-female romance. b) changing the basic set-up of the society ----- including its customs, spaces and values ----- to facilitate male-female casual relationships/sex and breaking them free from the burden of procreation/ marriage. c) totally wiping out other forms of human sexual bonds from the mainstream and throwing them on the fringes. The seeds of heterosexualisation of the Indian society were sown with the advent of the British in India. It gained momentum when independent India chose to follow the Western pattern of social development. With the entry of foreign media into India in the past few years, heterosexualisation is being enforced with full force. Heterosexualisation of society includes the following changes:
1. Society is forcibly converted into mixed-gender: This conversion is carried out in the name of bringing 'equality' between the sexes. - All male-only spaces are heterosexualised: They are changed into mixed-gender spaces with heterosexual values. Women-only spaces are mostly protected from this process. - Social customs and values are heterosexualised: As part of the heterosexualisation of Indian society, 'dating' between unmarried boys and girls is being enforced, especially by the media. Leading newspapers routinely carry dating/relationship advice, even for schoolgoing children. An environment is being created where it becomes acceptable for middle class parents to allow their children to date. Dating includes casual sex. Boys and girls in middle class urban societies today are under increasing pressure ----- both explicit and implicit ----- to date. The message is ----- if you don't date, you are outdated. Dating is replacing the earlier power sources for boys. The day is not far when boys who don't date will be disempowered and vulnerable. Several modern urban spaces including shopping and recreational places often allow only male-female couples ----- this includes even schoolgoing children. Worse, they bar single men from entering or hanging around in the premises.
Only a few years ago, it was unacceptable for a man and a woman, even if married, to show sexual affection in public. It is not unreasonable for a society which gives exclusive and extraordinary benefits/power to male-female couples through marriage, to impose regulations so as to maintain social order. This is also necessary to keep that power in check so that it does not become all-powerful and exploitative. Today, empowered by heterosexualisation, male-female couples are seen hugging and kissing in public parks, unmindful of how it affects others. It is not uncommon to see young unmarried boys and girls roaming hand-in-hand in streets and colonies in metropolitan India. Such public display of male-female sexual affection is a blatant demonstration of aggressive, unreasonable power. It increases the social masculinity pressures on men tremendously. The effect of this on children is a major reason for concern.
In many westernised upper middle class Indian spaces, men and women have started to kiss each other as a form of social greeting, while men greet each other with a cold handshake, as an imitation of western customs. This practice is being popularised by the media.
Traditionally the Indian art and culture forms including theatre and dance are either male-only or female-only. This is especially the case with Indian popular dances, including Bhangra. In Indian parties, it would be unacceptable for a boy and a girl to dance together. At the same time, there is nothing unusual about two boys or two girls dancing together even if it is ball dance. This custom is also under attack. In today's discotheques, girls and boys drink and dance together. And while it is no big deal for two girls to dance together, it is increasingly becoming unusual for two boys to do so.
Sex education in India has also become a tool to further the heterosexualisation process. For instance, many trainers force boys and girls to sit together for 'sex' education to clear their inhibitions and social barriers.
Several such NGOs, multinationals and other agencies working with the local youth force a mixed- gender culture and ethos upon Indians, backed by their money power. This process also affects women adversely.
2. Male-female bonds are given unlimited power: - Open and aggressive female sexual interest in men is glorified and promoted and expected of all 'normal' females. All social regulations/ mores put in place by traditional societies at the time of granting excessive powers to male-female sex indirectly granting 'invisible' power to women, are removed.
- Non-marital, casual male-female relationships are glorified, promoted, and expected of all 'normal' people. Sex without marriage becomes a basic right for an adult man and woman. While the rights of non male-female couples to have relationships is highly regulated and forced out of the mainstream. It becomes a pointless exercise for the society to give enormous social power to male-female sex and to invest so much of social efforts to pressurize men and women to have sex, if such relationships are not going to give anything in return. There is no excuse for the society to suppress other non-reproductive forms of sexual bonds if it is relentlessly promoting non-reproductive heterosexual bonds. Thus heterosexualisation only serves to unreasonably empower one group of people over the others.
Heterosexuality (see glossary) is unreasonably portrayed as a masculine/macho, majority and straight quality. - All other forms of love relationships are wiped out from the mainstream: Especially male-male relationships are homosexualised. (We will discuss this issue in another chapter.) The process of marginalisation of other forms of sexual relationships/needs includes not acknowledging their presence in the mainstream. This creates an impression that 'normal' people don't need such relationships. All issues, joys and problems concerning these bonds remain unacknowledged and thus unaddressed.
- Heterosexual relationships supercede all other human bonds: The male-female sexual relationship becomes the most important relationship around which the entire heterosexual society revolves. All other relationships including that of parents, siblings, friendships, etc. take a back seat. The right of the male-female couple is the ultimate, superceding that of even those with one's parents. The family has space only for husband-wife and children until they grow up. Joint families become a thing of the past. In heterosexual societies the woman has the sole right over her children. Only she decides how to bring them up. The love and wisdom of the elderly are seen as problematic. In such circumstances the elderly become redundant and also lose respect.
Consequently, in a heterosexual society, male-female sexual desire becomes the supreme human quality. Ironically, this has nothing to do with its reproductive worth. And the right of men and women to form sexual relationships, even without marriage or procreation, is accepted as the ultimate.
3. The oppression of men is intensified - Men are broken from men: They lose the ability to relate with, bond with or unite with other men. We have read about it earlier.
The situation is different in India, where men take readily to the idea of uniting to work for their rights and issues. This India is not yet a heterosexual society. - Men become increasingly disempowered and vulnerable: As society becomes anti-man, it takes away men's outer power but increases his oppression. - Male-male sexual bonds and desire is homosexualised: It is denigrated and portrayed as sick, deviant, different, queer, feminine, minority and a homosexual trait. This issue is discussed in a later chapter on page 130. - Women become the oppressors: Women's invisible power to exploit men are increased several fold. We will read about this 'invisible' power in a later section.
The harmful effects of heterosexualisation "Why are you holding hands with the other guys? Don't you have girlfriends?" ~ a confused American in Shimla interviewing youths in an episode of 'the lonely planet' Heterosexualisation is an unnatural (anti-nature) process that makes a number of natural human traits redundant, and also creates a lot of human waste in its wake (people who fail to fit in become redundant, as a heterosexual society has no use for them). Thus it generates misery and pain. It is an oppressive process ----- both for men and women ----- and only works to unduly benefit a few. Apart from the above, heterosexualisation is directly or indirectly responsible for two extremely serious problems afflicting human kind: population explosion and environmental degradation. The seeds of heterosexualisation were sown with the enforcement of the marriage institution thousands of years earlier. Nature has created its own mechanism to keep the human population under sustainable levels. The social mechanism of oppression has completely overthrown this precarious natural balance. As the human population increases beyond what nature can sustain, the quality of human life goes down. So does the quality of human life. All available methods to rid male-female sex of procreation are fraught with serious side-effects. Condoms are non-biodegradable and devastating for the environment. Hormonal methods have serious side-effects. Surgically tampering with the male or female reproductive system is invasive, painful and not completely safe or harmless. And abortion is nothing short of murder. It is astounding that society still has the social mechanism of oppression in place. Why would you want to force men to mate with women when you can't deal with so many children? Heterosexualisation has removed men from their true nature and made them addicted to easy power. Removed from their inner nature, men have lost respect for nature. It has made men short-sighted vis-Ã -vis his environment. A heterosexual society is basically a myopic, materialistic society. Amongst the other ill-effects of basing the entire society on male-female sexual intimacy are: i) The breaking up of joint families into nuclear families which include only the man-woman couple and children when they are young. ii) A sharp increase in divorce cases, as raising of children is no more the primary objective of marriage. The primary objective becomes the romance between the couples, a concept which is unstable and often an illusion. iii) Families do not take on the responsibility of the old. A family which is based solely on the relationship between husband and wife has no space for other kith and kin, even if it is their own parents or siblings. iv) As the institution of marriage weakens and joint families disintegrate, more and more women with careers end up raising children alone as single mothers. v) As the population levels become a problem, and raising children become difficult without a stable marriage institution, more and more families have only one child. The child loses the natural joys of growing up with siblings. vi) Heterosexualisation is an anti-male process. It increases their pressures to the extremity and takes away their breathing spaces. It also takes away most (but the superficial) of the privileges that were given to them in lieu of their freedom. In the end man becomes a second class and powerless human gender.
Freedom to express and fulfill one's sexual needs with dignity and without undue social regulations in itself is a healthy thing and should be promoted. But a biased and partial freedom --- as represented by heterosexualisation --- where the already privileged form of human sexuality is unduly given more freedom, and exploitative powers and which involves massive restructuring of the society to make 'heterosexuality' viable, driving the already persecuted bonds into the margins is not justifiable. Especially when the society is not gaining anything in return. It is like giving reservation to the rich and denying jobs to the poor. There is a direct relationship between giving social freedom selectively to male-female sex and the further marginalization/ oppression of already suppressed forms of human bonds, especially male-male bonds. As can be seen by the examples of the west, such a biased freedom for the privileged does not later translate into freedom for the oppressed. Instead it empowers tremendously the vested interest groups who make it impossible for the society to truly liberalise.
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